Between Two Delights

"We take delight in things; we take delight in being loosed from things. Between these two delights, we must dance our lives." ~Philip Harnden, from Journeys of Simplicity.

"As we walk upon the road we meet ourselves. And at the end, perhaps we'll find that there are no sides to take, no ememies of state, no arguments against the other. There's only death that waits. But on this tiny planet, and in this precious moment, we have the chance to live in peace together. If only we could take a walk." ~John Francis

Last night I finished reading the book Planetwalker by John Francis. (I blogged about this book previously here.)

This book made me honestly face and assess (more honestly than I ever have before) my personal responsibility for, and my part in, the environmental crisis and climate change. And it caused me to ask myself what personal "sacrifices" and/or lifestyle changes I will be willing to make....

I will be pondering my response. The status quo (for me) is not acceptable.

I think over again my small adventures
my fears
those small ones that seemed so big

For all the vital things
I had to get to and reach

And yet there is only one great thing
the only thing

To live to see the great day that dawns
and the light that fills the world.

~Old Inuit Song

The Year of Letting Go

January 1. It's only a date upon a calendar, yet somehow, much of the world has agreed that it will mark the beginning of a measurement of that mysterious and elusive entity we have called time, specifically the measurement of time we have called a year. And we mark, we track, our lives by these things called years. I suppose it is a universal convention.

And I'm sure I am not unique in the circumstance of turning inward (even a bit more than I am naturally prone to do anyway) in these final days of a waning year, to look back, to take stock.

I posted the poem I repost below back in August, before this blog had any readers. I think it sums up 2008 for me as well as anything. A year of beginning to learn how to let go...not grasp...travel light...and lighter still...be mindful...present...here now....

The present moment is all that exists.

It is sufficient.

Easy to type. A lifetime to live into....

The poem:

Instructions

Give up the world; give up self; finally, give up God.
Find god in rhododendrons and rocks,
passers-by, your cat.
Pare your beliefs, your absolutes.
Make it simple; make it clean.
No carry-on luggage allowed.
Examine all you have
with a loving and critical eye, then
throw away some more.
Repeat. Repeat.
Keep this and only this:
what your heart beats loudly for
what feels heavy and full in your gut.
There will only be one or two
things you will keep,
and they will fit lightly
in your pocket.

-Sheri Hostetler, A Cappella: Mennonite Voices in Poetry

And for good measure, a special bonus reposting:

Forget Everything
John Squadra

If someone says, "To be enlightened you must
fast and pray all night,"
Have dinner and go to bed.
If you see a sign, "This way to salvation,"
run the other way.
If someone says, "This book is the truth,
you can buy it from me,"
Take your money and buy grapes and roses.
If someone says, "He's talking tonight,
thousands will be saved."

Go for a walk...listen to the birds
and watch the clouds, and leave
your backpack, your Bible and your Buddha
under a tree and hope
they will be gone when you return.
Where we are going you can't carry anything,
not even your name.
If there is logic in the above,
be afraid, it's a lie.

But if you feel something in your chest
as beautiful as the grass beneath your feet,
be grateful...open your arms
and forget everything
you ever thought you knew.

From This Ecstasy

Loss and Gain

Loss And Gain
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When I compare
What I have lost with what I have gained,
What I have missed with what attained,
Little room do I find for pride.

I am aware
How many days have been idly spent;
How like an arrow the good intent
Has fallen short or been turned aside.

But who shall dare
To measure loss and gain in this wise?
Defeat may be victory in disguise;
The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.

Winter Solitude

Lake Minnetonka sunset

Winter solitude--
in a world of one color
the sound of wind.

- Basho

From Onehouse. (Thanks, K. :)

And may I recommend...

The Idiot On My Shoulder

It's so true, and my sincere apologies to anyone who has had to endure my own idiot....

Barry has some very worthwhile musings on the topic at the link above, and when I say "it's so true," I am referring to what he has to say about the idiot....

Peace to all

Somewhat random thoughts precipitated by revisiting Merton

For just a bit last night, as I lightened the load on my bookshelves, I "visited" with Thomas Merton. It had been a good long while.

At one time in my life (and for a good many years in duration), the writings of Thomas Merton were a significant influence on me. Although Merton's writings no longer hold influence in my life, in looking back, I have to say he was one of my most significant influences.... I first found Merton as a teenager. It was through Merton that I was first introduced to monasticism (both East and West) which at one point became quite influential in my life. It was through Merton also that I was introduced for the very first time to Buddhism, specifically Zen. Merton remained a faithful Catholic all his days, but in his later years, his leanings toward, and the fruits of his conversations with, Buddhism, were readily evident in his writings.

Then last night I visited the Merton blog louie, louie, and was reminded of a Merton documentary that I own and had not viewed in a couple of years. So I pulled it out and watched it. It is interesting to me that Beth at the louie, louie blog, chose my very favorite scene from the film to share in her post. I'll post it here with more comments below.



The "line" that haunts me from this section of the film each time I see it is "The solitude confirms my call to solitude. The more I'm in it, the more I love it. One day it will possess me entirely, and no man will ever see me again." I'll let that one stand without further commentary except to say that it stirs something deep in me that I cannot even adequately articulate.

That snippet notwithstanding, it felt odd to revisit this man last evening. Like seeing someone who was once a close friend, but with whom you've grown apart over the years and now realize you have not much in common anymore.

And there is a bit of sadness in that. To me, anyway. But that is life. If a journey continues, there will inevitably be that which is left behind....

The US eight year war on science is over?

I hope he means what he says and is able to carry it out.

From the Climate Progress blog:

In a landmark radio address today, President-elect Barack Obama announced his powerful science team and the end to Bush’s war on science, saying:

Today, more than ever before, science holds the key to our survival as a planet and our security and prosperity as a nation. It’s time we once again put science at the top of our agenda and worked to restore America’s place as the world leader in science and technology.



Also: Climate experts get key US posts

The Story of Stuff

I cannot recommend this short film more highly. It will be worth the twenty minutes of your time taken to view it. Please:

The Story of Stuff.

Out of the comments box...

...and onto the blog main page. Thanks to all for the profound and insightful comments left on my last two postings. Some of the comments were just too good to leave there in the comments box. And so I share them here:

Barry from Ox Herding:
"We're all wandering around, looking for the same place. There must be something wrong with that strategy.... a better strategy might be: stop wandering. Stay right where we are. Look for the wilderness in that very spot. (Easier said than done, much easier...)"

The grizzled but still incorrigible scribe himself:
"Nature is an attitude, a way of viewing and your days through the lens of the elemental; a constant awareness of season and circumstance wherein earth and sky and every living thing thereon become a part of our thoughts and dreams."

Barry from Ox Herding again:
"Since this all began with reference to Gary Snyder, it might be noted that, for all his love of wilderness, his real passion is for wildness.In his book "Practice of the Wild"...he talks about *wildness* as the state of being "off the path." We don't have to go anywhere to be off the path - we just need to let go of our attachments, aversions and other deluded mind-states. When we do that, when we approach each moment with "before-thinking" mind, then it's like rambling along the Chinese Wall in the Bob Marshall Wilderness - WOW!"

Sylvia from Sister Earth:
"...we are always in nature. There is nothing but. It is only in our minds that we start making distinctions between "real" nature and the inferior stuff that most clearly shows our footprints. A knowledgeable naturalist sees both our footprints in the supposedly untrammelled wilderness and the wilderness in our most trampled places."

And last but not least, the Dharma Bum:
"...what this post and discussion gets to is a "big question." That of humankind's role in the world, as a species that is as much at home here as anything else in this global ecosystem, or as an interloper, a creature apart from nature.... I am a guy who works 40 hours a week on behalf of Wilderness with a capital "W" and that all-important "er" between "wild" and "ness." I believe that the nature--or wilderness--you were referring to in your first post, is vitally important to humans, for exactly the reasons you've laid out in this post. It is a place for remembering our place in this world, this ecosystem, and for all the spiritual, emotional and mental benefits that come with it."

Great stuff. I cannot thank you all enough for your engagement with the topic. You have given me much to ponder and I hope my readers will ponder these things as well.

Peace to all.

A State of Mind? ...and more about "Home"

In my post of this morning I quoted Gary Snyder, and in a comment on that post, the "Dharma Bum" quoted Snyder back to me (and/or to Snyder himself) apparently in response to the way in which I took that Snyder quote which I had originally posted, apparently to offer another perspective on the matter from Snyder's own pen. At least, that's what I think the "Dharma Bum" was doing with his comment.... :)

Here are the two quotes again, for context. Both by Snyder. First the quote I posted:

"Nature is not a place to visit. It is home. "

And then Dharma Bum's perspective adding response:

"If you want to find nature, start where you are."

That second Snyder quotation reminded me of another Roderick Nash quotation:

"Forget size, terrain, the presence of wild animals, the absence of human technology--wilderness, ultimately is a state of mind. If you think a certain piece of country is wilderness, then it is wilderness--for you.... The dude from New York generally has very criteria for determining wilderness than does the grizzled Idaho prospector. But every wilderness experience is worthy of respect." (as quoted in Planetwalker)

In one way, I do agree with what Nash is saying here. But like any brief quotation taken from its context, it does not tell the whole story, just as the original Snyder quotation doe not tell the whole story, nor did my comment on it, and thus, Dharma Bum's response to offer a little more of the story. It is, of course, precisely because quotations are lifted from their context that they don't tell the whole story....

I do believe with every fiber of my being that, as Nash says, "every wilderness experience is worthy of respect." And it will be helpful to note that Nash spent most of his career as an educator trying to get "overcivilized" (as he called us) humans back in touch with something they had lost by disconnecting themselves from the natural world and living increasingly in artificiality.... Nash was particularly wont to emphasize, encourage, and praise, any and all movements in the direction of nature no matter how seemingly small....

And so do I. A thousand times yes.

That said, I will confess that when I originally posted the Snyder quotation that started this whole train of thought, I was in fact thinking of all the things that Nash said to forget: size, terrain, the presence of wild animals, the absence of human technology. I confess that I had in mind places like the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, or the Bob Marshall Wilderness, just to name a couple of such places that remain, places where one can still be immersed in a completely non-human environment. Or at least, the only "human environment" is yourself and the pieces of a human environment you bring with you. As you may know, I try to bring as little as possible when I go to the wilderness.... I confess that that was the "home" I was thinking of.... Yes, that's where I want to be....

Yes, it is vitally important that every wilderness experience be treated with respect...a sense of awe and beauty in all of life and in the everyday around us must be reclaimed.... And yes, it is important to emphasize, encourage, and praise any and all movement towards that reverence and awe .... Yes, "wilderness" is a "state of mind." But it is not only that. It is a real and disappearing entity. And that too must be emphasized. It is also vitally important to preserve the remaining large tracts of wilderness, for if that last wildness is lost...something of unspeakable value to human life and spirit (yes, even to those who go nowhere near the wilderness, though they may know it not, nor recognize its value to themselves or the planet) will be lost along with it. Perhaps it could be said that we will be more inclined to preserve the latter, if we have been continually cultivating the former. That is, if all of life and nature around us--even in cities--is treated with awe and respect for the life that it is and the life that it gives...then we may be less inclined to look at the last great tracts of wilderness in terms of "board feet" and "mineral resources" for example, merely to be exploited and turned to perishable cash, with no thought of a value that is deeper...and more ancient...or of what we might learn to be and become from nature....

I am rambling.

I was inspired by the original Snyder quotation as well as by Dharma Bum's Snyder response. And so, finding myself today stood up for an appointment and with a few free hours on my hands, I got out into "home," my little patch of "nature" and "wilderness" here in the city. Here's what "home" looks like today:

A snowy gulch down to the river.

All that white stuff behind the trees? That's the river...covered in snow. It always amazes me how transformed the landscape is in winter....





Looking at the Saint Paul shore.

Home

"Nature is not a place to visit. It is home. " ~Gary Snyder

I am mostly estranged from home. Perhaps some day I will be able to return...and not just for a visit....

Wilderness

"In wilderness people can find the silence and the solitude and the noncivilized surroundings that can connect them once again to their evolutionary heritage, and through an experience of the eternal mystery, can give them a sense of the sacredness of all creation." ~Sigurd Olson (1899-1982)




Wilderness...is a profound educational resource schooling overcivilized humans in what we once knew but unfortunately forgot." ~Roderick Nash, Living in the Environment: Principles, Connections and Solutions

I am not available
At the moment
Except to myself.

Downstairs the plumber
Is emptying the big tank,
Water-logged.
The pump pumped on and on
And might have worn out.

So many lives pour into this house,
Sometimes I get too full;
The pump wears out.

So now I am emptying the tank.
It is not an illness
That keeps me from writing.
I am simply staying alive
As one does
At times by taking in,
At times by shutting out.

~May Sarton, from A Winter Notebook

via Whiskey River.

"...receive the forgiveness of the new dawn...."

Because they can say it, and have said it, far better and more eloquently than I can.... I construct my own thoughts from their words today:

"Don't be discouraged by your first attempts. Tomorrow is another day. Turn the page, walk, and remember to have fun. You will be amazed at where you find yourself." ~John Francis

"Ever tried? Ever failed? No Matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." ~Samuel Beckett

"Over and over again return the attention to the place chosen connecting with the unfolding experience of the breath.... While sitting, attention will naturally be drawn from time to time to other aspects of experience; for example: sounds, body sensations, thoughts, visual images or some combination of these.... As soon as you notice that the attention is no longer with the breath, gently bring it back to the breath connecting with the sensations in the place chosen. No matter how many times the attention is drawn away, there is no need for judgment or tension. Just keep coming back to the breath." ~Mark Nunberg, on mindfulness meditation (bold emphasis mine)

"So take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again." ~Jerome Kern

"Be willing to be a beginner every single morning." ~Meister Eckhart

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged, it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift...." ~an anonymous 92 year old woman in a nursing home (bold emphasis mine).

"...receive the forgiveness of the new dawn...." ~Wendell Berry

"As a poet I hold the most archaic values on earth. They go back to the Neolithic: the fertility of the soil, the magic of animals, the power-vision in solitude, the terrifying initiation and rebirth, the love and ecstasy of the dance, the common work of the tribe." ~Gary Snyder

6000 Years Ago

6000 years ago; 'tis not
the blink of an eye in geological time.
Yet I can hardly comprehend its ancientness,
speck that my existence is
upon the universe's story.

6000 years ago, you walked
through field and forest
on another continent. The places
you trod now as baked and
inhospitable as the planet can muster.
But when you walked there,
6000 years ago, you walked
through cool fields and forest,
a "green Sahara.

6000 years ago, you walked
there with your children,
and with the rest of your tribe.
And 6000 years ago,
you died on those cool fields
so far away. Your children died too.
How? Why? Was it a plague
which took you, your children,
and others of your tribe?
We do not know....

We know somebody loved you.
We know somebody cared.
They buried you with your
children. They placed you
all holding hands, on top
of a bed of flowers,
and more flowers above you.
Who was it? Your mate?
Your spouse? The father of your children?

He loved you. He sorrowed
when you were gone.
6000 years ago....

6000 years later, I sit staring
out the window into
canyons of concrete and steel.
But I feel a connection to you,
and to the life you lived
on the cool African plains
of long ago when the
Sahara was still green....

And 6000 years later,
seeing your skeleton
holding your child's hand....
I shed one tear....

A tear for your death,
it is the final destination of us all.
A tear for your life. We are both
still made from the same stuff:
we live, we love, we suffer, we die....

And a tear for the one who placed
the last flower on your grave...
and then carried on....


Six thousand years ago, a mother and two children died at the same time and were buried here holding hands. Someone obviously cared a great deal, as the scientist found that flowers were placed above and below the bodies. It is not yet known how they died. (Photo by Mike Hettwer)

The picture is one of a group of extraordinary photos taken during a 2000 archaeological expedition in Niger with the amazing paleontologist Paul Sereno. To see a larger version of the photo as well as read the amazing story of the finds in Niger and see even more amazing pictures, click here.

Once upon a time a long time ago, in one of my many lives, I was so fascinated by the work of Paul Sereno, that I was almost convinced to become a paleontologist. How different my life and path would have been.... But we cannot spend too much brain energy on the past. It does not exist except in memory.

We lay flowers upon graves...and onward we go....

(Note: I think I have come to the point (not for the first time) that I officially subscribe to too many blogs. :) That combined with the fact that my brain has been somewhat fevermuddled these last few days, and I can't for the life of me remember now what blog I saw the photo above and the link to its story...or I would surely give credit.)

The Ultimate Problem

No, the ultimate problem is not the fact that for the last week I have been the sickest I have been in recent (or even not so recent) memory. This may have been one of the worst colds/flus/whatever that I have ever in fact had. Finally I think the worst is over. Previous to this morning I had not seen anything except for the bed and the bathroom in 48 hours. This morning, awakening still sick, I nonetheless felt so much better that it was as if I had been hitting myself on the head with a hammer and then stopped. And y'all know how good that feels, right? :)

I had to get out. I showered, dressed, and bundled up. That by itself almost exhausted me. But stepping outside into the cold air and sunlight was worth it. My walk was short. But it was. Now I just looked out the window. It is now snowing. The weather report says this storm may give us six inches.

But on to what gives this post its title.

Today is Bodhi Day, the day on which the Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, is said to have experienced awakening, or Bohdi, while sitting under a tree in the forest of northern India.

I'll use the occasion to share one of my favorite stories about the Buddha.

A farmer said to the Buddha, "I like to farm but there are lots of problems. Sometimes it rains too much and my crops get flooded out. Some times it rains too little, and they dry up...."

The Buddha listened attentively until the farmer finished and changed the subject. "I love my wife," he said, "but she's far from perfect. Sometimes she's cold to me for no reason at all. Sometimes she's so passionate that she wears me out...."

Again the Buddha listened patiently until the farmer once more changed the subject. "My children are wonderful," he said, "but they're always giving me trouble. Sometimes they fight with each other and break things. Sometimes they conspire against me...."

And so it went for quite awhile, the Buddha listening quietly and the man continuing to complain. Finally the farmer finished speaking and the Buddha said, "There's nothing I can do to help you, farmer. We've all got eighty-three problems and that's that. Maybe you can take care of one, but another one is bound to take its place. And some never change. For example, your farm, your wife, your children, even yourself--all will eventually pass away, and there's nothing you can do about it."

The farmer, outraged, said, "You're supposed to be a great teacher. What good is that teaching?"

The Buddha replied, "It may help you with the eighty-fourth problem."

What on earth is the eighty-fourth problem?" asked the farmer.

The Buddha answered, "That you want to not have any problems."

As told in Essential Buddhism by Jack Maguire

Wise silence has never been written down. ~an Italian proverb

Let the Mystery Be....

I am still slowly recovering from the big infected-lung-nastiness that has had me down. Aside from copious sleeping and very little reading, I've found many new blogs of interest to me and done something that I hadn't done in a long time, that is gotten involved in discussions in the comment box of even a slightly polemical nature. I am not an arguer by nature. I would rather quietly walk away from you and maintain my equanimity than to try to convince you of anything, even anything I feel pretty strongly of. I'm of the opinion that people don't really "convince" anyway.... It is life, not anyone's arguments that must change us. That has been the case with me.

I got involved in a discussion about reincarnation on a blog. I don't know what possessed me to chime in on a discussion like that. Quite generally unlike me and maybe a mistake. I'll blame it on the sickness. ;)

I was also in an e-mail correspondence in which one of the topics covered with my correspondent was people trying to save my soul, poor misled and misguided soul that I am. There seem to be an abundance of people in my path--of various stripes--who would do so, some from my family and my past, and some not. The one thing they most have in common is a zealous certainty in what they know to be "true."

Then later, as I read my new friend Trey's post over at The Rambling Taoist, on free speech, fundamentalism, and religion in general, I found myself replying to a commenter who, in agreement with Trey, had asked why anyone would "worship a God that acts like Big Brother." I was surprised at what I wrote in response to that, what just came as I typed, but I think it's true. At least, it is very true of who I used to be and who so many people I know still are. I wrote:

"Some people seem to need a big brother. They fear uncertainty. They are unable to live in any tension. With the world defined for them in black and white concrete terms, they feel safe...safe in "the truth." They cannot let anyone just be who disagrees because that person's very existence threatens their tenuous certainty. So that person must be converted (thus "evangelism") or done away with. The "truth" is fragile, don't you know. It must be protected. ;)"

Of course, I'll confess I wrote the last sentence a bit sarcastically.

An old favorite musical artist of mine, Iris Dement, came to mind and one of her songs, which is maybe just a bit sarcastic at spots too...but not too much really. I found it on You Tube. (Is there now anything in the known universe that isn't on You Tube?) The lyrics are posted below it. I think I have to agree with Iris these days. Whether you share my views, Iris's, or Trey's, I hope you will enjoy a little musical interlude. Iris is an acquired taste for some though....

I truly wish peace to all.



Everybody's wonderin' what and where they all came from.
Everybody's worryin' 'bout where they're gonna go
when the whole thing's done. But no one knows for certain
and so it's all the same to me.
I think I'll just let the mystery be.

Some say once you're gone you're gone forever,
and some say you're gonna come back.
Some say you rest in the arms of the Saviour
if in sinful ways you lack. Some say that they're comin'
back in a garden, bunch of carrots and little sweet peas.
I think I'll just let the mystery be.

Everybody's wonderin' what and where they all came from.
Everybody's worryin' 'bout where they're gonna go
when the whole thing's done. But no one knows for certain
and so it's all the same to me.
I think I'll just let the mystery be.

Some say they're goin' to a place called Glory
and I ain't saying it ain't a fact. But I've heard that
I'm on the road to purgatory and I don't like the sound of that.
Well, I believe in love and I live my life accordingly.
But I choose to let the mystery be.

Everybody's wonderin' what and where they all came from.
Everybody's worryin' 'bout where they're gonna go
when the whole thing's done. But no one knows for certain
and so it's all the same to me.
I think I'll just let the mystery be.
I think I'll just let the mystery be.

These last few days...

...I seem to have gotten my duct tape wish (if a "wish" its was), but not in a way that I anticipated, certainly not in any way that I would have wanted.

I've not been able to speak much at all owing to having lost my voice...and having hacked up a lung. Let's see, where is that lung anyway; it must be around here somewhere....

I hear the whole metro has been hit hard with this nasty infection, whatever it is.

I had a couple of posts of promise under construction and now I try to return to them and find the train of creative thought seems to have derailed. Not the first time that's ever happened to me, and I'm sure not the last either.

I am feeling well enough--I think--to return to work today. After a forced couple of days in bed, life gets slowly back on track. Emphasis on the slowly, I think....