Heritage Lake, Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, 1995 (And no, I don't look like this anymore! :)That was a question posed to me recently in an e-mail from a friend. For whatever it may be worth, I thought I would share a part of my reply. Of all the trips I have made to the Boundary Waters, only one was a solo trip and that was many years ago now. Too many. That situation needs to be rectified.
"What is was like for me to camp alone in the wilderness when I did it, and what it would be like for me if I did it now.... I think these are probably two different things. When I took my solo trip to the Boundary Waters many years ago now, I had not yet learned to appreciate solitude as I have in the years since. This was long before I got to know the Benedictines and had learned all they taught me about silence and solitude. Solitude was actually a little scary back then; it doesn't scare me now. In fact, I seek it out and need it now in ways that I did not know I needed it in those days. I was only just awakening--or not even yet--to its depth and riches, and to what it could give my spirit. That is not to say that there isn't always an element of slight fear at what could happen when one is alone in the wilderness. That remains, and I actually think that is healthy. It means one will be cautious and not take stupid chances.
What I experienced on that solo canoe trip mostly was loneliness. I was unable to tap into what I would be able to tap into now in the solitude. But I was just lonely. I had already done several group trips at that point, and wanted to test my skills I had been building against a solo trip. First, a solo trip is more work in some ways. There is nobody to share camp duties with, such as cooking and hanging the food pack, you do everything yourself. In a group setting, it has been my experience that people tend to find the niches that they are good at and can contribute the most. Also on a solo trip, there is nobody to share a spectacular sunset with, or the morning mist and complete stillness...etc. And there is some melancholy in that.
But now, while all those things would still be the same, I think I would be much more okay with the solitude than I was then. Since those days, I have spent a good amount of time in solitude and silence, and I've taken many silent retreats. I know well how to navigate silence and solitude now. I would not be afraid of them, but welcome them instead, for now solitude and silence have become my friends and are not something that I fear at all. So perhaps one day again in the not so distant future, I will be able to try a solo trip again.
That said, the best trips will always be with a small group of like minds with whom one can share the experience. Or maybe just one other if the one is right. Some things, like the power and beauty of wilderness...need to be shared...and they become even more beautiful and powerful for it.
I'm finding my need for solitude increases as time goes by...the desire to escape into nature is something I will always have within me...although I am a fraud as I don't do it, perhaps because I fear I may love it and never return.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! It gives such insight into the man you have been, are now, and are evolving into.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this piece of the "Forest Wisdom" puzzle.
: )
By the way....
Nice hair!
; )
Because of my Asperger's, I tend to prefer solitude over other options. Though I no longer go trekking off in the woods by my lonesome anymore, I do spend most of my time away from face-to-face human contact.
ReplyDeleteBut I sure wish I still had the physical stamina to hike. I almost ALWAYS hiked alone -- never got as much out of it when somebody came with me.
There is something about being alone in the wilderness that is very different (for me, at least) than being alone at home, or at a retreat center.
ReplyDeleteSomething much more complete about it - something big drops away in the wild.
And I've only been alone in the wilderness for maybe 1/2 day at a time. I've often wondered what it would be like to spend more time alone in the wilderness - would this sense of immediacy intensify and lead me to new awarenesses or would I acclimate to my surroundings and settle back into old thought patterns? I should do it before I get too old.
As a boy I spent a lot of my time in nature, in solitude. There were few friends that were interested in paddling, hiking or camping very often, so I would go alone. Like RT, I found that I observed a lot more details in nature and my connection with nature was invariably much closer when I went alone.
ReplyDeleteAs I grew into adulthood I found that though I may share good times with others, if I waited for others to join-up with me for extended trips, the trip may not happen. So rather than not go if others canceled on an outing, I would go alone.
The portions of the article that you posted, "The End of Solitude" struck a chord in me when I read the whole article. I do believe that solitude is inherently something that many of us avoid; and many don't appear to have much of a need for solitude or full immersion in nature in their lives.
As much as I like being around people—and I really do—I also value being alone. Solitude is a comfortable place for me. I've camped and traveled by myself probably about as often as I've done so with a companion. Maybe growing up as an only child has something to do with this. You do miss the sharing, sometimes, but you never have to compromise or alter your time to accommodate, either. And your focus can be as fine or as broad as you wish, your thoughts whatever you choose.
ReplyDeleteSolitude is as necessary to me as companionship. I need solitude for me in order to share with others.
Wow, great comments everyone, thanks.
ReplyDeleteGleaner,
I think I completely understand what you are saying here, both the desire for escape at times, and the "fraud" part as well. I feel that fraudulence at times within myself.
Val,
I hope what you say here is true.
And thanks for the compliment. :)
RT,
You are a true "loner" I suppose. And I say that in the best sense of that word. :)
Beth,
I understand and agree with what you're saying here. Yes, do it before you get old! :)
Northland,
Thank you for offering your perspective here, and I am glad to know that the "End of Solitude" article resonated with you.
Grizzled,
It's true that traveling alone (whether on a physical journey or in the journey of life) one never has to "accommodate" anyone else. That's certainly a big upside to it. Group dynamics can be tricky to navigate, and that's certainly true in wilderness as well as anywhere else. But, these same challenges provide opportunities for discoveries (about oneself and about community) that can't be made alone, just as solitude provides opportunities for discoveries that cannot be made any other way....
In the end, I thoroughly and heartily agree with the final words of your comment: Solitude is as necessary to me as companionship. I need solitude for me in order to share with others.Yes, and so be it.
I don't know what to say about this post - it brings up strong feelings for me about my own solo trips into the wilderness and my own solo trip through life (although married and all that).
ReplyDeleteI guess right now, in my 60s, I'm deeply skeptical of any activity that doesn't involve relationship. Better: I'm skeptical of my own impulse toward any activity that doesn't involve relationship.
But this is confusing stuff for me...
Barry,
ReplyDeleteI understand...I think.... :)
Thanks for sharing your wise and insightful confusion with us. Always worthwhile to ponder what you offer.
Peace
Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteAs an introvert, solitude recharges me and is necessary. And I too am comfortable with it in a way I wasn't a few years ago.
But solitude in nature requires some courage and confidence that solitude at home does not (perhaps especially as a woman?) and so I have less experience with it. Short hikes and kayak outings, yes. Camping, no. Not yet.
:-)
Amy,
ReplyDeleteI am an introvert too--I need solitude, not interaction, for recharge--but I also profoundly value relationships, deep interaction with my friends. It's a back and forth...it can be a bit of a tension, but for me it is healthy and worth it all....
"But solitude in nature requires some courage and confidence that solitude at home does not...."Quite true, this.
And I hope that the truly operative word in your comment was "yet." :)
Peace
"...but I also profoundly value relationships, deep interaction with my friends."
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, me too. I remember feeling relief and validation when I came across this definition of introvert vs. extrovert: introverts are drained by social interaction and recharged by solitude, and extoverts--vice versa. What's significant there is that 'drained' does not necessarily imply 'displeased'. I'm not a misanthrope or even a loner-I can enjoy interacting w/ the public at work, and value very very highly the time I spend with those I love. But, on the whole, it drains me. I need some solitude and meditation to get...recentered. Hope that makes sense.
Amy,
ReplyDeleteWe're completely on the same page here. I couldn't have said it better myself. :)
Great post. I've come to appreciate the time I get to spend alone in the woods now more than ever before. I know I will see the world in a brighter light after each solo trip - even if it's for only a few hours. Some of my friends wonder why I like to venture off by myself. I try to explain, but I only get a blank stare in return.
ReplyDeleteNWG,
ReplyDeleteI think I know what you mean.
Thanks. :)
I'm reminded of my husband's solo camping trips whenever I look at his hands. He found himself alone and injured in a remote part of Algonquin Park in Ontario, and consequently burned off part of his finger to avoid gangrene.
ReplyDeleteFear of such scenarios keep many people from venturing out alone in the woods, especially overnight. Others are plagued by their own thoughts and prefer the distractions offered by interacting with others.
If you're not comfortable in your own skin, then you'll never feel comfortable anywhere on the planet. But facing our fears and ourselves does become easier as we get older. Thankfully :)
Flandrumhill,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story. Yes, it reminds us that for as much as we love nature, it is often not as romantic as we would like, but rather can come to us in impersonal "brutality" demanding a respect and a price we may not have been prepared to give.
I agree heartily with what you've said here about fear and distraction. About fear, I find I face it on some level every time I go into the wilderness. Being with that fear...and not letting it stop me, are, as far as I am concerned, an absolutely integral part of the wilderness experience.
And the most profound thing you shared: that if we are not comfortable in our own skins then we will not be comfortable anywhere...wow, that's crucial. So true. Thank you, you really got me pondering on this one.
"Yes, it reminds us that for as much as we love nature, it is often not as romantic as we would like, but rather can come to us in impersonal "brutality" demanding a respect and a price we may not have been prepared to give."
ReplyDeleteSo true fw, and not just of nature, but also love. We should approach both with a respect and reverence that's too often relegated only to religion. Though we may not be 'prepared' to give, there's sometimes more to our capacity for giving ad hoc than we might think.
Part of our feeling comfortable with ourselves is knowing that when the time comes, somehow we'll be able to pay the price.
Flandrumhill,
ReplyDeleteWow, more wise and thought provoking words.... Thank you. I had not considered what I said being applied to love, but I can see it.
Well, now you've given me something to think about.