"A room, a cave, a refuge and retreat. Without the private room, a gift of the Renaissance, it is almost impossible to imagine the flowering of the Self. To recall my Self to myself, I have only to examine not the stacked cartons of belongings but past rooms, past refuges (or torture chambers). I wander through rooms I have lived in as through the galleries of a museum, greeting old lovers, old rejections, old joys. I meet Others. I meet my Self.
It is cavelike retreat that insures the vast inner open field of privacy and saves the soul from the tumult of the herd."
~Barbara Grizzuti Harrison, "The Incubator of Dreams," The New York Times Magazine, October 17, 1999
(Note: My posting of this--or of anything, for that matter--doesn't necessarily indicate that I completely agree with it, though I might, but I often post things that make me think, and maybe they will make you think too....)
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Interesting.
ReplyDeleteMy husband has a cave. That is literally what we call it. It is the 3rd floor of our house (formerly known as the attic). He revamped it into 600 square feet of electronic bliss. It is his getaway place, his place of retreat from the world. When friends and family come to visit everyone wants to stay in the cave, everyone wants to play in the cave. Yet, I rarely go up there. In all honestly, I really don't like the cave at all.
Almost every evening he goes up there. But, he's hardly been up there this past week. Wonder what that may mean....
My cave is the 2nd floor of our house (a former attic too!). Hardly any other human being -- including my dear wife -- ever comes up here but me. I probably spend more than one-half of each day alone in my "cave". And I like it that way!!
ReplyDeleteForest, I do appreciate the many quotes you feature. Haven't run across one yet that hasn't caused me to pause and think. That's a very good thing indeed.
Barbara Grizzuti Harrison has always looked deeply into ordinary things. Thanks for this "meeting the self" post!
ReplyDeleteBr'er Rabbit had his Laughing Place, Sherlock Holmes 221B Baker Street, Elvis had Graceland. Even Mole of Wind in the Willows fame, when lost in the Wild Wood, longed to be home snug in his own little bed.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the Freudian thinkers would say it's a desire to return to the womb.
I think most people need a retreat, a hideout, a place to go which resonates somehow with who they are—at least a spiritual if not physical "cave." It might be a cabin in the northwoods, a book-lined study, or little room in the basement or attic which is "ours" because it provides refuge, safety, solace.
The corollary question—and perhaps the most interesting—is why? What compels a person to hie themselves off to their "cave?" Exhaustion from the daily grind? Incompatibility with those around them? A need to re-center…whatever that means? Do we have different "caves" for different needs?
There's probably a doctoral thesis here: "Man Caves —Their Sociological Value and Impact." Or—and this has my vote: "Man Caves and the Bubba Factor."
Dear Grizzled,
ReplyDeleteI talked to Bubba and he is quite offended at your suggestion that he desires to live in his mother's belly. And he told me to tell you that, anyway, he couldn't fit in that small space no way, no how, no matter how small he curled up -even if he did, perhaps, want to - 'cause he's just too big to fit in there.
Val
P.S. Where have you been hiding all my life? Not in a cave, I hope.
; )
Are you sure you're not married to Val, RT? (Sorry, just realised, your den is on the 2nd floor.)
ReplyDeleteMy own cave is usually a small tent in the middle of some nowhere wilderness place.
Either that, or my own mind.
warm, dry, alone, quiet - whats not to love?
ReplyDeletemy room for years would be referred to as my "hole" or cave- and it would be an absolute necessity for sanity, to be able to retreat to a quiet place, and re-energize from what the world (of humans) seems intent on sapping away from us... there was a good deal of depression in those days too, and thus the term "hole"- but it WAS necessary for healing- even though it was retreat... I definitely came through something from that...
today, it is still a place of retreat and solitude, but it is not the "hole" any longer, it is now the "cell"- in that monastic sense (not the prison sense, although, we can figure the two senses were intended to feed off each other when these words were coined?) - I like "cell" because it has a very organinc feel to it- "cellular" - the one and the many, inter-relational- and too, healing- "white blood cells" - and creativity, and regeneration- these things are done most in solitude, for me, with some exceptions, but its in that solitude, that I can feel utterly connected with the world...
these thoughts lead me to thinking of the word "alone"- and our usual knee-jerk definition to include feelings of "lonely" - when really, alone to me is much closer to the sense of "all one"- again, a place where healing is brought forth... healing the separations and coflicts of the human world, and its insane abuse of time (never enough)...
Is having a cave a man-thing or have I missed something? My home office would qualify as a cave -- full of messy significance, dark, where I spend untold hours alone. You have to be invited to get in. No one feels free to enter without permission. Is that a cave or a nest? ;)
ReplyDeleteForest…
ReplyDeleteOh, my! I’ve apparently sent Val into a dither. I’d best try and regain her faith—scramble for the contemplative high ground, so to speak—or else you might become enmeshed in this misunderstanding by association.
Honest Val—and Bubba-of-the Attic—I never said I believed the masculine propensity for “caves” might be due to some desire to reclaim or retreat to the womb…only that certain Freudians might suggest such an explanation. In fact, most Freudian concepts and my own personal thinking have a Rocky Mountain spine between them; we’re thus like streams running in two different directions, seeking our seas on opposite sides of the continent.
I think the modern man cave (and really, it could just as easily be woman cave, because I don’t see the impetus as being gender-specific) is nothing more than an adult concession to the same urge we felt as a kid to huddle under one of our mother’s quilts on the front porch. We all need that secure, almost secretive hideout that is ours and ours alone—a place where chaos is replaced by the familiar, and things are on a manageable scale. Which doesn’t mean our “cave” can’t be shared with others.
By the way, I tossed off the “Bubba Factor” part of my earlier comment because I’d thought of that TV show on cable called (I think) “Man Caves” which seems centered around the design-theme trinity of leather La-Z-Boys, big-screen TVs, and beer. (Note to Bubba-of-the-Attic…if I’ve inadvertently stepped on any toes here, I’m sorry, so I’m currently inducing a moment of inner contriteness that I might atone for such a callow remark. I might, however point out that I’ve made no references to size, being myself in no position to criticize.)
As to “where I’ve been hiding…” it has, indeed, occasionally been in a succession of caves, both figurative and literal. I’m a lifelong cave man. But their whereabouts and description is probably something I should go into on my own blog. :-)
Most Grizzled One, you wrote,
ReplyDelete"I think the modern man cave (and really, it could just as easily be woman cave, because I don’t see the impetus as being gender-specific) is nothing more than an adult concession to the same urge we felt as a kid to huddle under one of our mother’s quilts on the front porch. We all need that secure, almost secretive hideout that is ours and ours alone—a place where chaos is replaced by the familiar, and things are on a manageable scale. Which doesn’t mean our “cave” can’t be shared with others."
I would posit that a "cave" can't be shared with someone else lest it lose its magic. We all need a nook to call our very own and it defeats the purpose if we invite someone else to share it.
Tom's comment about the negative connotations attached to the word, "alone" fit here. We each need a place alone, be it a cave, nook, space, cell, etc. Such a place is not to find comfort, security or protection -- it's to find ourselves and the river of life we all float in.
Wow, thanks everyone for the great comments as usual. I had to work overtime today, so I have not been able to make any replies until now. Let me get started....
ReplyDeleteVal,
The meaning of being away from his cave.... Hmmm, drawing a blank....
RT,
Thank you. You words of appreciation mean much to me. Enjoy your cave. I know you do. :)
Barry,
You are familiar with Barbara Grizzuti Harrison? Once again I am impressed sir.
Grizzled,
First let me say that I put almost no stock in Freudian notions. :) Womb Shmomb.
You ask about the "why" of the "cave need" (I'll call it such). I don't know if this is the full answer (I doubt it), but how about "introversion"? The introvert draws their energy (the energy to be in the marketplace) from solitude. The extrovert draws their energy to weather the solitude from the energy of other people. And what I just wrote is a VAST oversimplification, of course.
I think I'll leave your last remark about the "Bubba factor" alone. I cheated and took a look at the comments ahead of the one I am presently replying to. :)
Val (second comment),
ReplyDeleteUhhhh....no comment. I'm laughing though; I hope that's good....
SW,
I think I like your cave ideas the best. Especially that tent one. :)
Tom,
You sound here like a true introvert. :) (See my comment above to Grizzled for context.)
I also like the "monastic cell" concept. It is a worthy one and I know it intimately. I have a degree in monastic studies from the Benedictines.
And solitude and "loneliness" are two very different things, though often they may look externally very similar.
I greatly appreciate your insights here. Good stuff, thanks.
Barbara,
ReplyDeleteNo way. I don't think the "cave" is a man thing at all. Neanderthal had women in the cave, I'm quite sure. :)
And your office definitely sounds like it qualifies as a cave in my book. :)
Grizzled,
Nice save...I think. :)
And more good thoughts about the cave, thanks. :)
RT,
Ditto. More worthy ponderings. Thank you.
Forest…
ReplyDeleteYou, sir, are doubtless a wise man to adroitly sidestep the Bubba issue. I, of course, plunged right in with all the aplomb of a bowling ball rolling off a boat dock. I fear reprisal…
And Rambling Taoist…
I might be inclined to agree fully with your notion that a shared “cave” loses it magic and meaning. That I didn’t agree forthwith stems from fear that Val might roust me from my own cave and give me a good flailing.
Solitary may have revealed the perfect solution—keep it (a small tent) ever on the move, changing sites regularly and maintaining a watchful eye over your shoulder, as if you and your portable cave were both in the Witness Protection Program.
Of course, some men simply make their caves so messy no one in their right mind could be induced to enter. Or they commandeer the garage or a room in the barn where the furnishings are greasy, dusty, stinky—and add to it’s ambiance by spitting in the corner and pinning up sundry graphic clippings from their favorite periodical literature.
Grizzled,
ReplyDeleteSome men might. For me, there is a reason I have always been drawn to monks....
Like a Cistercian Church, keep it stark and spare with plenty of empty space. Clutter around me clutters my mind. Just me. :)
Travel light. :)
Oh Grizzled One,
ReplyDeleteOf course, some men simply make their caves so messy no one in their right mind could be induced to enter.
Damn! You've unmasked me. :D)
These comments are very enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteI'm always wanting to find a cave, nest, nook or shelter and think it is to connect with nature in solitude and in slumber. Maybe it's to visit something primordal and drift into my sub-conscious recesses. When I visited a small, remote wildness in New Zealand I found some bushes alongside a desolate coastline that had cave-like spaces hidden underneath its branches. It was so magical and beautiful to be there and listen to the ocean...yep, maybe something primordal there.
But come to think about it, if it is a small, quiet room full of books I could make a cave there too...so, not always a need to connect with nature (or maybe just my nature).
Bella
Bella,
ReplyDelete"Primordial" is an excellent word to describe the dynamic of the cave, at least as I experience it.
Thanks for being part of the discussion. :)
primordial, yes-
ReplyDeleteI also get a sense of a dark "inner" with the ability to look upon an illuminated "outer" - a visual vantage point where one can see both the inner and the outer with clarity, but the outer is kept from fully seeing the inner*...
isnt this the very metaphor for wisdom?
so, a wisdom-place!
(*this also works auditorily ... those in a small confined space have advantage to hearing easily, what those in an adjoining larger space are saying- whereas the larger space occupants would have to strain to hear the confined space conversation)
Tom,
ReplyDeleteYes!
Tom,
ReplyDeleteWow, I have to think about this. But a "wisdon-place" sounds good to me. Thank you for making me think.